When people call me “Chicpea,” I cringe. It makes me feel uncomfortable. How did a brand, a business, a name I created make me feel so uneasy?
Because it’s not me anymore. I started this platform as a hobby 6 years ago when I was working in the corporate world and was miserable with my life. I needed a creative outlet, a passion, something that would shake me to the core, challenge me and make me better. Something that involved all the things I loved: arts, music, fashion, food, fitness, community, parenting, business, news.
A blog.
Something that would allow me to meet people, make friends, be part of something, try new things, get involved in my community.
A blog about Jersey City.
Did I think it would become something? Definitely not. That wasn’t the plan. It was meant to be a “hobby.” Something I can do at night when my baby was asleep, something that would fulfill me. Make me feel whole. Maybe I could make a friend or two? The truth is, my whole life all I ever wanted was to “belong.” My childhood was unstable, all over the place. My parents were both entrepreneurs and we moved around so much, I can’t even count how many homes I’ve lived in, how many schools I changed, neighborhoods, countries.
And I never fit in. Never really found my place. I thought I would in Jersey City.
I moved here 12 years ago and I felt at home. I felt like I could get involved and be part of the community. Maybe this was it? Maybe finally in my 30s, I would finally “fit in.”
I had no clue what I was doing, or what I was getting myself into. I just started and ran with it. I was working full time, caring for my 1.5 year old, and would be up till the wee hours writing. I wrote about my outfits, I would stop people on the street or the PATH train going to work and ask them what they were wearing, I wrote about whatever restaurant we would go to as a family. The pics were not very good. My writing was even worse.
But it was so fun.
And you know what was the most fun? When I would interview people and post them on the blog. They would be so happy and excited that someone else “saw” them. It filled me up. I remember how good it felt to make others feel good about themselves. Something I always wanted – to feel good about myself.
What I wanted for myself, I wanted to do for others. That was that. So I continued, and it grew and kept growing and growing. I remember getting my first troll comment on facebook. Someone said I was “corny.” But I took it in stride. I brushed it off. I never thought in a million years that the hate and the online bullying would get me to my breaking point. I never thought it would get so hard and so bad that I would start resenting the very community I did this for.
Jersey City was named the most diverse city in the country. A melting pot of people from all over the world. But Jersey City is a city divided.
Gentrification.
I am a by-product of gentrification. I moved to Downtown Jersey City to pay the same rent I paid for a shitty high-rise apartment with no windows on the Upper East Side. The PATH train was right there and I could get to work in less than 30 min. I had a doorman, a pool, and Ibby’s Falafel a few blocks away. It was perfect. So yes, I wouldn’t have moved here if it wasn’t for the shiny high rise tempting me with this better life that I desperately wanted. Quiet from the NYC noise. A place I could raise a family.
I was absolutely clueless at the intricacies of a gentrified community, I didn’t know shit about it. Of course I knew that there was more to JC than the Downtown Area. I actually really enjoyed exploring pre-ChicpeaJC to see what’s going on. But did I know about this city divided? Huge socio-economic gaps? Poverty? Crime? Housing issues? Racism?
As I started writing and going deeper and deeper into things, everything unfolded before my eyes. It’s like someone took the blindfolds off and I was woken up from this rose-colored view I had of the city I called home.
After a few years of “pretending” that Jersey City is just “like the most awesome city ever,” I got real. I recognized my position. I recognized my privilege. I recognized my place here.
I recognized that one of the reasons I was successful is because of gentrification. It’s because all of these new places were opening and the new people moving in were reading the blog. Jersey City was the new hot place to move for millennials. Condos, high rises being built on hyper drive.
It went from Jersey City to Crane City.
I started being more proactive and writing about news and real shit going on. The truth. I delved deeper and deeper for myself to get a better understanding and for my readers to understand. That JC is far from the shiny place I used to paint it to be. I founded a non-profit for youth as a way to give back to the community in ways that I was able to.
And the hate and online bullying reached a new high. Every single day since then, not a day goes by where I haven’t encountered some form of hate. Every time my notifications on my phone go off, or a comment, or a tweet or a Facebook notification my heart stops. Is it going to be something mean? Did I do something to upset someone?
Imagine every move you make, everything you do, scrutinized, magnified, judged. Every mistake you make becomes a colossal city wide discussion.
“Everyone is talking about you.”
People tell me hate is a by-product of success, of fame. The bigger you are, the more hate you get. I never wanted this attention. I did not plan this. I wanted to write. I wanted to belong. I wanted to make people feel good, which made me feel good. I did not want to be hated. Or talked about. Judged. Ridiculed. Bullied. Threatened.
“Chicpea is the poster child of gentrification”
“She only writes about downtown”
“A Culture Vulture”
“She used Jersey City for her own gain”
“Everything she does is for clout”
“Chicpea is not from Jersey City”
“She made money from the backs of the people who made this city what it is”
“The city pays her”
“She’s nothing but a shill for the city”
I could fill a whole book of statements and things people have said about me. The power that people give me continues to astound me. I get more hate than people who control this city. It’s as if I moved here in the 80s and started handing out tax abatements to greedy developers in return for cash money with a gold tooth and a wicked smile saying to them, “Do what you want.” It’s as if I paid for billboards in New York City that say “JC Make It Yours – Cheaper Rents, Excellent Falafel. PULL UP.”
We’ve written about everyone and anyone. Anyone who wanted to be heard, we lent them our platform. Artists, creatives, small businesses, non-profit organizations, activists, people with stories. We’ve made a lot of mistakes, and we learned from them and continue to learn. People hold this blog to a standard that I don’t think I will be able to ever live up to, and I don’t want to anymore. The wonderful thing about the internet and social media is that there are so many local blogs and resources covering different perspectives. This page is my perspective.
Someone asked me other day, “What’s your favorite part about your job?” It was and always will be the connections I get to make with strangers. Seeing them. Telling their stories. Helping people. Hearing them say, “Your post really helped my business,” “Your helped me so much,” “You got this opportunity from your coverage” is the equivalent of getting a gold medal. But sometimes people we’ve written about expect a certain outcome. Expect that coverage will take them to the next step and it doesn’t. Press or mentions on blogs does not propel anyone to “stardom” – it just helps.
I think it’s inconceivable for people to understand how one person can care so much and do so much for others. It’s inconceivable. “She must do it for attention. For clout. There HAS to be an ulterior motive. NOBODY is this nice and giving. It must be all FAKE.”
“Fuck you chicpea. You fucking gentrifying bitch. Fuck you for ruining Jersey City. Fuck you. You’re not EVEN from here.”
I am not a native and I will never understand what it’s like to be born and grow up in a community that is changing so rapidly. Friends and neighbors being pushed out because of rising rents. Homes being torn down to make room for more condos. New faces constantly moving in who lack the awareness like I did.
Lack of resources and opportunities for people who need it the most.
Not being seen, not being heard. Not feeling in place anymore in a home that is all you’ve ever known.
And you see a blogger, who is apparently living her best life, living downtown, taking pictures with the Mayor, eating at all the new places, benefitting from all these changes that are plaguing your neighborhood. And you want her to see, and you want her to hear you and pay attention. But she continues to grow, and no matter what she does or how involved she gets or how much she tries to help and give back, the city continues to change.
It’s not enough. Do more, Chicpea. Do Better.
Or die.
ChicpeaJC must die.
My name is Lynn Hazan.
I did not understand why you changed your name. Thank you for writing this. I am so sorry you had to go through all that. People should just be kind. Stop hiding your hate behind a screen.
You understand JC better then most. My retired aunt lives in downtown. She has grown up here her entire life right by the White Castle. She had a love/hate relationship with all the changes. You understand her views on it better then anyone. You support a community that deserves it and is thankful. You bring light to the good that can overshadowed by the negative.
please continue to do the great work you have been doing!! thank you Lynn.
Thanks for caring, for being a person that constantly wants to learn and do better. IMO that’s all that matters, your heart is good and positive. Keep being you and enlightening your audience with JC politics, fashion news and amazing places to eat. You fit in and your work matters and makes a difference.
iI moved to Jersey City in 1999 as an artist completely different then and its been changing since IT used to be great for artists as workspaces art studios and living spaces but not as a market for their artworks then year after year most of the artists been driven out of it especially the downtown area where the most of the developing is happening and I have seen many people come and go some they love it some they hate it and from my perspective, i always hold Jersey City dear to me and find out that the change is natural and inevitable whether we like it or not and we don’t have to hate the change just because dose did not benefit us
and some people going to be always complaining no matter what you do so what i do want to say is DONT kill Chicpea if you do haters will win then they will force to kill any character of your next novel i mean you are the artist the writer the creator of your own character and only who has the power to do whatever you want not because of the haters keep being proud of all you have done and proud of yourself for being brave and for every person u helped and put a smile on their faces….
Excellent read! Thanks for baring your soul in this eye opening blog post. What I gathered is that many people are inherently miserable. With that as the foundation, it becomes easier to understand how you became an avatar for people who are miserable to direct their hate towards. You’re a tangible avatar to these people because you’re a person who’s successful enough to justify their hatred towards you in a way that they think is bringing harm to you. They know their vitriol is not falling on deaf ears so they continue with their abuse. The impressive thing, among many things about you, is your ability to take the punches like a boxer and fight back furiously. The ‘rebirth’ of you as Lynn Hazan will bring about positivity that your supporters and friends will only benefit from! Keep on fighting!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Lynn, I love reading your stories. I used to live in Jersey City and reading your articles brings me joy. Keep on keeping on!! ❤
I used to live in JC and there are so many judgy assholes ready to drag you for something. Hang in there and do you. It seems like this journey has helped you understand your privilege and grow. That’s amazing. We all need to learn these lessons.
Wow. It takes a lot of courage and insight to do what you’re doing. Keep it up, your instincts are leading you the right way. As long as you keep showcasing all of JC, you will remain an an asset to the city I love.
I’ve watched you for years but this complaining about a brand you created is childish, ungrateful, and an example of your privilege. Yes you were part of a problem with gentrification but others could have done so much more and they didn’t. So you did what you could to make up for it. But now you’re going to complain about your brand that made you and puts food on your table, an expensive roof over your head, and allows you to live in my hometown. Well damn Lynn you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I am not hating on you but I am hating on your ungrateful attitude. With all that goes on today and so many that don’t have even a fraction of what you have the last thing I want to read is how you hate the moniker “chicpeajc” because it’s not who you are anymore. You are chicpea it’s is what you created you may not be the same person who started this journey but you are still chickpea. Own it and stop bitching about it when it has given you so much at a time when others have so little. Do me a favor and count your blessings.
Insightful & reflective. Honest & empowering.
So often people forget that we can be whoever we want, starting the very same moment we decide that we want or need a change.
It’s awesome to see you happy and enjoying your blog again! Great read & feeling inspired. Thank you for always putting down in writing (I think it’s part of your superpower)
Go Lynn!! —sky is forever the limit.
Lynn,
Thanks for your honesty. I met you at “Everything Downtown” in 2016. I did think some of those things in those comments. As a lifelong Jersey City resident of 58 plus years (born in the Margaret Hague), I hardly recognize the city. Not all of the changes are good.
I’ve been following Lynn since day one and love her. Don’t get the hate thing… Lynn is one of the most jersey city centric people you will meet. Hate is taking over this country. Hate has no voice if you Don’t acknowledge it… please keep doing what you are doing Lynn… only the strong survive. You inspire and are empathic…you embrace and magnify what is attractive about Jersey city. I always considered myself the goodwill ambassador of jersey city, but you deserve that title far more than I do… and for the record, I’ve lived here for 25 years and am not a local, but love JC as much as any local. Embrace JC and embrace Lynn…Peace to all!
Lynn, what always impressed me the most about Chicpea JC and you was how hard you worked to shine a light on the incredible artists and small businesses from all over JC – not just downtown but in the hip hop community, the LatinX community and more. You were an inclusive voice from day one and it’s a shame you received so much shit. Your work during the pandemic has been untiring and selfless and has impressed me even more, and your fitness and fashion journey has been a blast to witness! Just continue to be unabashedly you, and you will be fine.
And you know what? The more my music career grows, the more local haters and snide remarks I get as well. I take it as a positive that I’m on the right track. It’s always worthwhile to pay attention to an honest remark that truly resonates with you as a criticism you should consider – but, girl, just ignore the rest and continue do your good work!
Lynn, never let haters derail what you do or silence your keyboard. You have a talent few possess; turning your thoughts and the thoughts of others and putting them Into words just like an artist paints on a canvas. My wife and I met you at several functions and found you to be personable and one who knows the art of listening.
I am a product of the Marcy Projects in Brooklyn (we don’t call it houses) from the 60’s – 70’’s. There were haters and experts on nothing back then too. I was fortunate enough to finally leave all that behind and adopt Jersey City as my new home. But I soon saw that haters are in abundance here as well- in fact, everywhere. Although I don’t own a blog, I love writing and have come across folks that have disagreed with something I’ve written and through their ignorance in not being able to articulate a concise, rational response, did the only thing they knew how- lash out.
I for one enjoy reading anything you write. To stop doing something you enjoy and have a flair for is tantamount to taking something good away from people like me. And to the haters now hating on me for defending you; I say Fuhgeddaboutit.
Been following you for a while thanks to the good peoples at Ani Ramen. You’ve done great work. Growing and evolving your brand is not a bad thing. As long as the quality of your heart and purpose Continue to shine through, the name will not matter. Either way, Shine bright Lynn Hazan!
Lynn, I grew up in West New York a few clicks north of JC. I’ve been reading your posts since a photography program got me on Instagram and have very much enjoyed your fresh perspective on Jersey City. I’m so sorry about the mis-guided malicious comments that people have hurled your way and how your genuinely sincerity is misconstrued. Thank you for sharing this heart felt post and honestly just keep on keeping and don’t be discouraged by these nay sayers who’s cynicism is unfortunately the byproduct of many many issues that have plagued Husdon County nay I say it our wonderful nation for long time. Be strong, be well!
Thank you, sister. I’m inspired. I look forward to returning to JC and hope to learn more from you and folks like you.