Photography by Greg Pallante

It’s around 5pm on Thanksgiving day, some of you might still be at the dinner table surrounded by friends and family; eating and drinking, others might be napping on the couch or watching football and then there are those of you reading this post, for that I thank you.

I am thankful for so much this year, most importantly thankful for the people in my life that I love unconditionally and that put up with me. I am thankful for being able to write about my community and connect with so many amazing and inspiring individuals almost on a daily basis.

One day when I ran into the Big Hair Girls we started talking about ideas for our next theme shoot. We came up with a goth style theme. To be honest, I had no clue what I would write surrounding these images and Venus  said to me on our way to our shoot “once you see the pictures it will come to you…” Then, as I stood in Greg’s studio wearing a sheer dress on with just a body suit underneath. I felt a wave of fear. I felt exposed, insecure and unsure of myself. I wanted to run away at that moment. I wanted my old life back.

Ever since I made the decision to leave my corporate life, fears and insecurities have taken a front seat. In my old life I never really thought “what will people think?”…. Now I am out in the open, vulnerable and I deal with some negativity at times which is extremely difficult for me. I am a people pleaser, and I really like everyone and when I hear any negative comments, judgements about me or the blog, or people disliking me, it affects me greatly.

Even though the positive feedback I get always outweigh the negatives, when you are insecure you seem to only focus on the shit that doesn’t matter. #humansarecomplicated

When I watched Greg take Venus and Lizzy’s picture, they looked so amazing, like superstars. I was in awe of their confidence and presence. They weren’t over thinking, they kept moving, trying different positions, taking risks… The thing I love about the Big Hair Girls is they always stay true to who they are and will never compromise themselves for anyone. They are real and they never pay attention to negativity… They are so inspiring.

I told myself that I need to start carrying myself that way, that I need to stop second guessing myself all the time or seeking acceptance from others because acceptance needs to come from within.

My wise 20 year old best friend Kyra told me yesterday “If you don’t love yourself, nothing anyone else every says to you will make a difference in how you feel”. She’s right. It’s all about how I feel that really matters. Kyra is a a great friend and I am thankful she is in my life.

About a week ago I celebrated ChicpeaJC’s 6 month anniversary. Looking back I feel like I’ve grown so much as a person and as a writer. At first I really tried to keep my feelings and emotions out of the equation but I feel as though I owe it to the readers and the people I interview and that open up to me on a daily basis to be open about things I go through and feelings I experience.

Being afraid is not a bad thing, but you can’t let fear stop you from trying new things, putting yourself in situations that might make you uncomfortable… because doing so will only allow you to grow.

There is a saying “If you’re dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough”…. I am scared shitless of the unknown. I have no clue where all this is going, but I know deep in my heart that I am making a difference, whether it’s helping a local tea shop get more foot traffic, a local artist get recognition for their talent, or just simply help brighten someone’s day.

Today I give thanks to all of you that are on this journey with me. I truly appreciate the support and I am so excited for the future.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…”

 

Cheers,