A year. A whole fucking year.
I logged onto Facebook the other day, after weeks of not being on and the first thing I see are the announcements of people dead from COVID. All over the timeline- RIP.
And I lost it.
A whole year of this, and people are still getting sick, people are still dying. We have to walk around with masks, and hand sanitizer in our pockets, we can’t really go anywhere, we can’t hug people. We are still in the thick of this with no real end in sight- 2024 someone said on the news the other day.
Fuckkkkkk. I scream this internally almost daily. Listen don’t get me wrong. I am happy, I am alive, I am enjoying my life for the most part but come on COVID- let’s wrap this thing up.
Remember when it was going to be two weeks to flatten he curve? Just two weeks? Yeah me neither.
For the last couple of months I’ve reached COVID exhaustion. This whole year hit me like a ton of bricks even though things seem to be “getting-better” now that there is a vaccine slowly making it’s rounds. Cases are slowly dropping. Businesses are opening back to fuller capacity. But It’s nowhere near the end.
A year of this and counting.
When COVID hit and we were in lockdown, I jumped head first and made myself the local news platform for whatever was going on locally. I was on my phone from 5am- midnight. Posting news, resources, sending tips to authorities about businesses violating rules, people not obeying covid regulations. It became an obsession but It kept me sane. Someone even gave me a nickname and called me “CuomoPea”- I was on top of it. I was vocal. I was trying to help and inform as many people as I could. In my head I was potentially saving lives.
Then we founded the JC Relief Effort and raised over 36K for Covid Relife and for months I was so focused on that. I had a purpose you know? I was doing good things and serving my community and it was incredibly gratifying. I was actually really happy with my work despite everything.
While people made banana bread and learned tik Tok dances, I was negotiating Mask deals with manufacturers. It was insane but it kept me sane.
Then in June, to everyones excitement the lockdown was over and outside was legal again. I thought it would be easy and seamless to get back to “normal” – but it wasn’t what I expected. I had no choice but to get back to work and the hustle to pay the bills and catch up on all the losses I took during COVID- I had to start completely over. 7 years of hard work came to this.
But I knew that other people had it worse than me so I just sucked it up and did what I had to do for myself and my daughter. I rolled up my sleeves and got back to work.
But I was burnt out.
Im still burnt out. Months later and it’s been so hard for me to perform at the same level as I used to. How could I just go back to what once was? The hustle, the constant grind? How could I be creative and do all the things I was good at before COVID at the drop of a hat?
Im writing this because I know I am not alone. This pandemic has taken a serious emotional and physical toll on all of us. How are we expected to perform and achieve at the same level as before all this? When we go on Facebook to catch up on our friends and families lives only to see so many RIP messages like it’s just “normal” at this point. Do we just go back to work after that? OR are you normal and crawl under a blanket and cry- cause same?
Stay positive? How?
You know, I used to be the person that was always like “STAY POSITIVE, LOOK AT THE RAINBOW AFTER THE STORM”- Now I despise people like that. Because it’s impossible to just be positive all the fucking time.
So, it’s ok to feel shitty. It’s ok to be burnt out. It’s ok not to want to be positive. What we are going through is UNPRECEDENTED. This will take time. This is what I tell myself.
The place I go to when I feel this way is a place of gratitude. Grateful that I am alive. Grateful that my family is healthy. Grateful that I have a roof over my head. Grateful for the loving people I get to be around. Because at the end of the day, that’s really all that counts.
And as much as I want to be “successful”and at the top of my A game- and crush the blogging/social media/marketing world I realize that just by getting up everyday, showing up and trying my absolute best while also being a good mom and partner in this world that we live in, is pretty fucking amazing. If you’re reading this, your pretty fucking amazing too.
😢😭 the end….thank you! I def needed this lately. I hope you get reminded of how much of an amazing woman you are!!