Even though the seven Deadly Sins were put into place in the 4th Century by some monk who was clearly as much a fan of making lists as I am, so much so that the list was originally longer. Then some time in the late 6th Century, the Pope decided to condense them, but as Led Zeppelin would put it, The Song Remains The Same, because those seven can still be applied to us in the 21st century. For instance, today I spent most of the day in bed Netflix & Chilling (sloth) and just ate a doughnut for dinner (gluttony).

If that 6th Century Pope was around today, I’m sure he’d agree with me that there definitely needs to be some additions to the list (because I often sit around kicking it with popes, Netflix & chilling, and eating doughnuts,  while we talk about the sins that characterize the downfall of humanity).

Now, there could be a slew of Rachaelpedia facts in the first part of this post, so please use a disclaimer if you’re going to share this info at your next dinner party. But what I can tell you IS fact, is that due to the epic rise of social media participation, there are a couple deeply unhealthy things that we ALL do, and thus should be added to the sin-list. If you don’t do the following things, you either lived through the depression, have a dial-up modem on a mountain somewhere, or are a liar.

Let’s address The 8th Deadly Sin: Social Media Cutting. The definition of actual cutting is as follows:

“Cutting is the act of intentionally inflicting harm on oneself. Cutting isn’t a suicide attempt. Cutting is a form of what is known as “self-injurious behavior” Other types of self-injury include scratching, burning, ripping or pulling skin or hair. Self-injury is an unhealthy way to cope with emotional distress. Some people cut themselves when they feel overwhelming sadness, anxiety, or emotional numbness. Others do it to feel in control or relieve stress.”

So basically it’s done to relieve stress, but nonetheless it’s very unhealthy. And can leave nasty scars.

This never occurs for me when everything in my life is perfect, and I’m busy and happy. This happens when I feel my life spinning out of control or I feel depressed or hopeless. So what do I do? I could take a yoga class, go for a walk with the dogs, talk to a friend or my parents. Meditate. Hit the mall for some window shopping, christ, I could eat a dozen Dunkin Doughnuts! But nooooo. I open up Instagram or Facebook and go right to that page that I should NEVER look at! EVER. It could be my ex-boyfriend, with all the blissful pictures with his beautiful new wife. It could be that actress I came up the ranks with who is dating a huge celebrity and working like a maniac. Maybe my ex-friend who dumped me and is still having a fabulous life without me or that pin up model who just got the cover of Playboy shot by flipping Ellen Von Unworth. It’s not just looking at photos either. It’s checking deeper into their lives. Is “she” still liking “his” photos? Did “she” get that movie part she bragged about auditioning for? I have a friend who could be a Social Media Cutting guide. She’s like the Sherlock Holmes of internet sleuthing. I think she even has an uncanny knack for predicting the future outcome of things too. I have learned many a bad habit from her. And guess how putting those skills to practical use makes me feel? WORSE than I did before I creeped on their pages! The compelling act of having to go sign on and see what they’re lives are like is uncontrollable. I just can’t help it. It’s the cut. Then when I look at their perfect lives, and feel terrible, that’s the bleed. And afterwards, when I’m beating myself up for doing it, that’s dressing the wound.

Sometimes I go on just to make sure my pictures are better than another model or my life is more interesting and fun than an ex-friend or an ex-boyfriend is also still single. But if any of those things prove to be wrong, it spirals me down into a state that can only be medicated by LOOOOOOOOONG talks with every one of my best friends. Do you know how many times I asked my friend Erika, over the course of four years, “When is she going to dump him already?!” I retrcognize this behavior to be very unhealthy. 

After all, mortal sins are always sins of a grave matter where the sinner KNOWS it’s a sin but still performs the act anyway. Nonetheless, doing the 8th deadly sin diminishes my potential for living a happy and healthy life. There are plenty of ways to avoid succumbing to the deadly sins, but you’ll have to wikihow that. This is just a column after all.

Which brings me to the 9th Deadly sin: Social Media Manipulating. The reason this is so important to address is because it is directly connected to The 8th Deadly Sin. And guess what readers, MOST OF THE THINGS YOU THINK YOU’RE SEEING ON SOCIAL MEDIA ARE JUST THE SHINIEST, MOST PERFECT VERSION OF THE TRUTH! Not the whole truth and nothing but the truth. This is the word of Rachael, thanks be to Rachael.

You know that shirt that says “I Woke Up Like This,” well we all know you didn’t! This is another Deadly Sin that I am guilty of. I am a model, a Playboy Bunny, a local personality, a vain individual who has ZERO interest  of anyone who I’m not banging seeing what look like when I wake up in the morning. And sometimes not even them (I’ve been known to hide a small survival kit next to my bed with mascara, concealer, wisp toothbrushes and a tiny mirror in it to clean myself up before he stirs from his slumber). Do you really think I’m going to post a picture of myself that isn’t the best version of me? Nope. Not in the least. Or a picture of me looking boring, lonely, broke, fat or anything but fabulous. Do I add some witty, self depreciating comments underneath to hint that I fully aware that you’re aware that I’m not living the life of Kim Kardashian? Absolutely.

Because guess what? Some frenemy, ex boyfriend, or rival is out there Social Media Cutting on my pages, and I’m not gonna let them think that my life is anything short of fabulous. Because by all means, I want the guy who dumped me to regret his decision! That’s called #winning

Celebrities and magazines are extremely guilty of the 9th Deadly Sin. They want us all to think no one has wrinkles, and everyone’s marriage is perfect. But it hits home more when it’s someone you actual know. It becomes more realistic, something that’s actually within our grasp.

Now, there’s a flip side to the 9th deadly Sin. The Negative one Deadly Sin. You know that friend we all have who we  have to block on Social Media because EVERY SINGLE POST is a woe-is-me, I’m feeling sick, my life sucks, I’m so broke post. There’s something to be said about over sharing or being a Daria. These are things that should be talked about in private with your closest friends not your 900 Facebook followers. Instead of making people want your life, they actually don’t want you on their feed and sometimes not in their life anymore at all.

Yesterday, I posted some pictures of me on the Red Carpet at The Fat Jewish’s rooftop party at The Dream Hotel for his White Girl Rose. I was wearing YSL shoes, my hair was on point, I was laughing, drinking with equally fabulous friends, sporting my new Thomas Wylde top. It’s visually obvious my life is fan-fucking-tastic. But these pictures were taken two days before when I was in bed most of the day licking my heart’s wounds from the pasta that I tried to reheat, unsuccessfully (see post #3).

Well, FYI, I feel totally sick from eating that Dunkin Doughnut for dinner, I’ve blocked said “pasta” from my social media, and I’ve confessed my social media manipulating. No wound dressing, self-flagellation, or praying necessary, I’ve learned my lesson!