A week ago today, my whole life changed at the blink of a pregnancy test. For the past few days, between the exhaustion and nausea, I’ve been in a state of shock. 

I am pregnant. 

Inside of me is a little peanut, doing it’s own thing and sucking every amount of energy I have. This peanut has taken control of my body. I belong to it now for the rest of it’s life.

So how did we get here. 

If you asked me a few years ago, mid-pandemic, if I saw myself being engaged to the love of my life, and also with a bun in the oven, I would think you are crazy. Everything happened so fast, yet so slow. 

If you’re not new here, you know my love story and my engagement story and a few details in between. If you are new, I got a divorce a few years ago, dated and went through hell, met the love of my life, we fell in love, moved in together and got engaged… all very public information I might add. Sharing is caring? 

And now I am pregnant. 3 months before our wedding.

A plot twist. 

Early on in our relationship we talked about kids and me being a single mom.  I made it clear that I wanted more, and Tony expressed that he absolutely wanted to be a dad. So, very early on we were on the same page when it came to growing a family. 

In a way, our ages and where we were in life helped speed up our relationship a little bit as we both knew my biological clock was ticking. Within 8 months of us dating I made an appointment to get my fertility checked and see what my options were. 

In the media you are so bombarded with this message that after 35 you are considered “Geriatric” when it comes to pregnancy. Which interestingly enough, if you’re under 35 and pregnant in the New York City area you’re more like a teen mom. 

When I shared with my doc that we were talking about starting our family she said “You should’ve started yesterday….”

Damnit. Can’t I just enjoy being engaged and take my time? “No” said my ovaries. 

Fast forward to a few months ago, we traveled to Israel to visit my family and spend the holidays with them. We also met a few new additions to the family, two babies my cousins recently brought into the world. Everyone at family dinner told me and Tony that next year it would be us. I laughed and brushed it off. If only it was that easy. 

To be honest, I was nervous about embarking on the baby making journey. 10 years ago, I had trouble getting pregnant with my daughter Mia. Fertility doctors, hormones, so many appointments and I was also much younger. The idea of going through that again was daunting. You also hear people around you struggling so much to conceive, that I felt like it was going to be a struggle for me too, given my history. Getting pregnant, and fertility, is not a given, it’s a privilege. 

So when we found out I was pregnant, I was in utter and complete shock. 

A few months ago, Tony and I decided to stop being “careful” and YOLO life. I wasn’t tracking, or planning conception days, we were sort of just going with the flow. Not really anticipating that anything would happen so quickly.

In Israel, it was tough for us to have our alone time as we were staying with my parents, and my 9 year old was staying in the room next to us. But we found a few pockets of alone time here and there, and like two horny teenagers we “got it in”. I remember having these fleeting thoughts in my head in those moments “Imagine this is how we get pregnant.”

We get back from Israel, and a week later I realize I’m late- now I was not at all suspicious of me being pregnant because the month before I was also late for some reason, and figured my body was all messed up from traveling and jet lag. It was totally a non-issue, to the point where I emailed my DR to make an appointment to check my hormone levels. 

One night, Tony and I went to eat at Katz’s Deli in NYC and I housed half sour pickles like it was my job. While I was eating, I told Tony how much I loved pickles when I was pregnant with my first. And neither of us at that moment put two and two together…. We literally had no clue that I was, at that moment, experiencing my first pregnancy craving. I had a whole “Harry Met Sally” moment. 

The next morning, I woke up feeling off. I was doing my morning workout and started feeling winded and nauseous. I couldn’t continue. It was super weird but again blamed it on Jetlag (we were home for two weeks at that point). 

I decided to jump in the shower- now meanwhile utter chaos happening in the living room. My 9 year old getting ready for school, Tony getting ready for work, the dogs running around waiting to be taken out. Morning insanity. 

Before jumping in the shower, I decided to take a pregnancy test. It was like a quick decision, I had extra tests and figured ‘why not?’ I anticipated seeing “not pregnant”, shrugging and going about my day. 

I take the test, and as I was about to go in the shower. I look at it and 

PREGNANT

WHAT?! 

I looked at it again. There it was. 

“TONY, COME HERE NOW” – I screamed. 

He ran to the bathroom, opens the door and sees me in my birthday suit with a shower cap on and the first thing I blurt out to him. 

“Baby. I’m pregnant” 

It was the most beautiful and emotional moment. I obviously didn’t film it because it happened so fast, but the memory will forever be ingrained in my head. We were both in shock, but also so excited and happy with the news. We couldn’t believe our eyes. 

The whole day we couldn’t focus on work and life responsibilities. We were texting like the time we first started dating… it was the best day. 

And then the next day the throws of pregnancy symptoms hit me like a brick, for the next couple of weeks I spent my days in bed, nauseous, headachy, tired, emotional… literally every pregnancy symptom you can think of. I was miserable.

Symptoms I never experienced with my first. It’s a weird time the first trimester, you can’t really share the news with people yet, you’re suffering but at the same time grateful. So many different feelings running through you. There were days where I couldn’t even get out of bed. 

A few weeks ago I was finally able to share the news with the world as I was at the 12 week mark of my pregnancy, and things have been looking up ever since. As I near my second trimester, I am so excited take my readers on this journey with me. 

So yes, for the next little while I will be that Pregnant lady with a blog, and I couldn’t be happier.