Jersey City is becoming the hub for hospitality in the Northern NJ area, it’s a no-brainer that most people who live here eat out. I’ve teamed up with some popular bartenders in Jersey City, as well as fellow servers, to bring all of my readers 16 things your server/bartender really wants to tell you but can’t. I, too, have worked in hospitality for a few years and know these struggles all too well. Let this list serve as just as a few housekeeping rules to consider during your next dining experience.

1. I Promise I See You

One of the things you’re taught as a seasoned bartender is to keep your head in a constant swivel. SO if I don’t initially see you, it’s not because I’m ignoring you – it’s because I’m super busy helping out the several other guests that we’re probably here before you. When they’re done, I’m trained to look for who else needs help. Part of bartending is holding a list of drink orders in my head, remembering who ordered what first, remembering who came to the bar first and keeping a general outlook on the bar and the people. So I promise we see you. Don’t snap at me, wave money in my face, or yell to get my attention.    

2.  Your wait time and food are things that are out of my control.  

Where’s my food? Where’s my drink? Do you realize you’re missing a soda for my son?

Well … do you realize you’re not the only person here right now? Do you realize I only have two hands and just balanced your plates on my head while juggling one with my foot?

No, but seriously guys, a little bit of patience goes a long way. I promise we see you at the bar and know that you’re waiting for your food at the table, but sometimes it’s just so busy and things like wait times and food are out of our control. I am not the one cooking your food, but I’m just as anxious waiting for it as you are. Now, not being acknowledged by a lackadaisical bartender or waiting longer than 15 minutes to be greeted at the table is a whole separate thing (a pet peeve of mine at that) and you should probably go elsewhere.

3. Understand the kind of place you’re in. 

Nowadays, there’s literally a bar or place for everyone. Whether you’re looking for a “mixologist hand-crafted cocktails” type of place such as South House, a beer and shot type of joint like Lucky 7’s, or a martini lounge like LITM, they all exist. But it’s important to take into account the type of place you’re in and what you’re looking for. Don’t try to order a Mixologist type of drink at a beer and shot type of joint, and don’t ask what beers are on draft at a martini bar. Know the place you’re going to and to what capacity they are able to make the drink you want. Then don’t forget to tip accordingly.

4. Know what you want and REALLY know what you want.

So many customers wave their arms at me like drowning lunatics in need of air from across the bar or restaurant, and it always follows with a snide “We’re ready to order we’re hungry!!!”  Then shortly after, there’s a long wave of “Uhm, Uhh, uhmmm honey you said you wanted what again? … Uhm uhh hmmmm well, maybe just another minute or 2 and we’ll just start off with this as an appetizer?”

Guys… I promise I’ll be back over to take your order. In fact, contrary to your belief, I’m purposely giving you time to explore your options and look over the menu. However, if you THINK you’re ready before I’m back, then be just that –READY and set to go with your order. Same goes for the bar. Don’t make it to the bar then turn around to all your friends to ask what they want. Know how many shots or what kind of drinks to order during your wait time.

5. We have to share our tips, therefore they’re not really our tips.

There are busboys, food runners, and bar-backs that we have to tip out. If you’re a server, you can include tipping out the bartender as well.  I don’t say this to imply you should overcompensate (though no one has ever complained about that). I say this to say that if your service was top notch, then tip the 20% and every server expects at least 15%. Considering that we only get paid $2.15 an hour amongst tipping everyone out, anything less than that HURTS. And please never leave nothing.  Going out to eat instead of ordering to go is acknowledging you want a specific kind of service. If you don’t have money to pay for that service, then we kindly remind you that you probably don’t have money to dine out that day.

6. Understand parties take more time.

It’s a really good idea to always make a reservation for parties of 5 people or more. Anytime you’re in the double digits, a reservation should be a must. With that said, most restaurants require a pre-fixed menu or will advise you to order in a “family style” manner. Take into consideration making drinks and food for each individual in a party takes a while since there’s such a large number of people putting in their orders at once. Imagine cooking for 20+ people in your own home at the drop of a hat. Things get backed up. Be sure to plan ahead to ensure you and your guests have the least amount of wait time and best experience possible.

7. Stop with the Substitutions

Going out to eat means committing yourself to another chef’s or restaurant’s recipes. You want thousand island instead of ranch? Fine. But don’t ask for one dish and completely make it into your own. Ask for items you’re unsure about on the side to alleviate this, or stick with “safe” items i.e Don’t order a super spicy item to “try something different” if you know your palette typically can’t handle things that are very spicy. It’s better to just stick to what you know.

8. Don’t interrupt me while serving other guests or other tables.  

If I’m having a conversation with another guest or another table, please do not touch, tap, or wave your glass at me to get my attention. Also do not scream or call my name. It is incredibly rude to the guests I was currently helping and throws off any train of thought I just had, which inevitably slows down everyone getting what they ordered. Instead, kindly make eye contact with me after I am done helping the guest or signal that you’d like a check. In hospitality, you’re trained to read your customers so chances are I’ll be doing a quick run through of my section or the bar shortly to accommodate any needs.   

9. Don’t eat something, then claim you did not like it or receive it as ordered.

If something comes out of the kitchen and you don’t like it;  don’t suffer through eating it or eating even half of it then claim you didn’t like it.  Also don’t wait until the end of service to let your server or bartender know about it. Tell your server or bartender upfront so we can get it switched out right away. Not to mention, it looks terrible when you’ve halfway eaten through something then decided to complain. Chances are I’ll tell my manager you’ve complained about the item, they will look at your table, ask if you ate it, I’ll say yes, and then there’s not much more that could be done from there. So just let us know, the sooner the better.

9. Don’t try to “educate us” on how to properly make a drink.

You wouldn’t like a complete stranger waltzing into your job and giving you a complete lecture on how to do it properly. Yeah, neither do we. I had a lady order a Cosmo and ask for Tequila instead of Vodka. Which was fine, however as another guest caught light of what I was making he proceeded to attempt to “school” me on how he’s been bartending for decades … Cosmo’s are made with Vodka not Tequila … and how REAL martinis are made with good Gin. I get paid to be nice and listen to things like this, but that doesn’t mean I want to. So needless to say, don’t be that guy. I proceeded to say how the guest specifically asked for tequila, and had to apologize to the original person who ordered it. Point is, don’t try to school us on how YOU think something should be done.  You’re out to have a good time, not to be my manager. However, if you want to tell us your preference or give us insight into the experience you’re having, sure. I’m all for that and new ideas to improve upon.

10. Don’t ask me to split your check 5 different ways at the end of your meal.

If we’re being completely honest, don’t ask me to split your check this many ways ever. If you absolutely NEED to have separate checks, tell me at the start that way you and I won’t have to remember who ordered what and how much of it. Also keep in mind that it’s hard to remember to put $30 on the green card, $15.20 on the red card, and $24.50 on the blue card with the dog. If one or two people are unable to foot the bill, at the very least write down the last 4 digits of each card on a sheet of paper and the amount next to them to alleviate any one getting double charged, mis-charged, or your server telling you flat out no.  

11. Ask for everything you need at once not every single time I revisit the table.

Hey can I have some extra napkins?

*brings extra napkins*  

‘Hey can I have a side of honey mustard too”

*brings honey mustard*

 “Hey i need another refill.”

*brings refill*

“Hey can I have another…”

*NOOOO*

Stop this madness. Seriously, ask for everything you need at one time. There’s no reason your table needs to be revisited 5 times every 10 minutes. It’s incredibly rude, uncourteous, and eventually I just won’t come back not only because I have numerous other guests to help but also because I know the vicious cycle of you asking for things isn’t going to stop.  A good tip to remember is to ask for your sides when you order your meal and order refills at one time for the entire table.   

12. Extra means extra.  If you want extra it’ll probably cost you extra.

You want extra sauce? It’s going to cost you just that – extra. You want an extra shot added to your drink because it wasn’t strong enough?  It’s going to cost you extra. Starbucks doesn’t give out extra shots of espresso for free and neither do servers or most bartenders. Most items like sauces come complimentary with your meal, but keep in mind if you want that extra little bit, you’re going to have to pay for it.     

13. Leave your negative energy at home

If you and your date, friend, mom, dad, whoever are arguing, please don’t come out to eat until you’ve figured it out. If someone at the table (including kids) was forced to come to this restaurant to eat, please leave that person at home or take the food to go. Negative energy is so apparent when people are sitting at a table or bar. Not to mention, it makes other guests feel uncomfortable and makes it incredibly awkward to visit your table or ask if you need anything. No matter how hard you try to hide it, we can tell when you are unhappy or fighting. People come out to have a good time and you should too.  So if you’re already not having a good start, leave the negativity at home.

14. Stop camping out.

Once you’ve paid your bill, there’s a small window of time between paying that bill and the time you should actually be finishing up your drink and leaving.  When you sit around and wait, it takes up more space and time, and for a server/bartender time is money. If you want to continue your convo, cool, but kindly move to the bar or take it outside. If you insist on staying at the table, then be willing to compensate the server for the extra time that is being used.

15. Don’t wait until you’re done with your drink before you decide to order a new one.

If you’re out and know you’ll be having more than one, even if it’s a soft drink, don’t wait until your glass is completely empty before you order another drink. If you find yourself down to the last few sips left, just order the next one when your bartender or server asks. Chances are, once you’re done with your current drink, the next one will be arriving just in time. If you do decide to hold off, that’s okay too, just keep that in mind once you’re drink is finished, you’ll probably have a longer wait time and it will take your server a few minutes before they can make their way back over to you.

16. Last but not least – order for your children, and no children are not allowed at the bar.

To be fair to my other guests, I don’t have time to wait for your child to take 10 minutes to order their own meals because they’re hiding behind you, giggling, whispering and shy. So please, I know it’s super cute to see your child order their own meal, but just do the ordering for them. Also, by law no person under 21 is allowed at the bar and that includes small children. Even if you have some time to kill with your child and just want to come to the bar to have a quick beer, I’m sorry. I can’t serve you and you’ll have to get a table. I didn’t create the rule, but you can bet I most definitely have to follow it.

In conclusion, I’ll leave all of my readers with this. They say if you’re on a date or out with friends the way you talk to the server or bartender says a lot about you as a person. So just know that above all, your server is a human being just like you; paying bills just like you and trying to juggle the journey of life just like you. Be kind, be courteous, and respect people’s place of work just like it was your own. We want you to have a good time just as much as we want to be compensated for that time :)

Happy dining, everyone!