I never really write posts where I express my thoughts or flat out vent on shit I have to deal with as a woman, as a mom, as a business owner…as a female business owner. This blog is about Jersey City and all the wonderful things that happen here. This blog is not about me. Some of you actually don’t know much about me! OK, maybe you know 50 random facts, but that’s it. I try to keep my personal life on the low.

That being said, I’ve been feeling the need to write more and express myself on certain aspects of my life, hoping I can maybe help others going through the same things as me.

Don’t call me sweetheart, especially not during a business conversation. The idea of gender inequality has always been on my mind. To be honest, in my previous job in the corporate world, I never had to experience it. The company valued my contributions, I had a great salary, and I never felt inferior to my male counterparts. If anything they called me their “secret weapon.” I guess you could say I was lucky.

All that changed when I started ChicpeaJC.

I recently had an online business conversation with someone, and it wasn’t pretty. In a demeaning way, he called me “sweetheart,” and when I stood up for myself, he told me I had a bad attitude. Let me ask you this – if I was a man, would he call me “sweetheart?” If I was a man and stood up for myself, would he say that I have a bad attitude?

Exactly.

I also feel like, as a woman business owner, you need to work twice as hard in order for people to take you seriously. It’s like it’s unheard of that a woman, a mom nonetheless, can run a successful business, even in this day and age!

The funny part is, women discriminate against other women equally! This is a tough thing for me to admit, but I’ve had many instances where I had to deal with other women who wouldn’t give me opportunities or help me out because I was a woman, whether they thought I couldn’t do the job or they felt threatened. I don’t know, but it’s happened multiple times. This is something I don’t get. I see talent and hard work. I don’t use gender against somebody.

People seem to think that I am doing very well financially and that I am very successful. The real truth is that I struggle. I struggle with people taking me seriously, with businesses, advertisers, and even the local media.

I feel like I am constantly fighting to be heard. I will see male counter parts – who, in my mind, are equal to me from a business owner’s standpoint – get invited to speak at schools, get interviewed for newspapers, and approached for opportunities that I could only dream of. Is it because I’m a woman?

I work very hard. I don’t stop. I’m not sure when was the last time I took a real break. Even when I’m away with my family, I’m working – I’m posting, writing, responding to emails, planning events. This is the life I chose for myself, but it’s very hard sometimes.

A year ago, there were stickers all over downtown Jersey City that said #chicpenisJC with a drawing of a purple penis, there were other stickers that said “DM Chickpea for a good time” and “Chickpea licked my taint.” I was told that I shouldn’t put this type of info public, that I am “feeding the trolls.” The only reason I bring this up is because these stickers would not exist if I was a man. These are misogynistic stickers.

There also wouldn’t be a thread on JC List where someone talks about my cellulite in a photo shoot I did or how my “landing strip was the gaza strip.” After all this time of being silent, I am finally speaking out.

I’m sort of getting off track with this “fun” little tidbit, but it’s to prove the point of how hard it is to be a woman business owner in the world we live in.

I recently had lunch with a friend and he said to me, “I actually prefer working for women. They can handle difficult situations with poise and class, and without losing their shit.” When he said this, I laughed. Not only can women do things as well as men (if not better), they are better multi-taskers, they can handle pain more than men (you know the whole childbirth thing) and, according to studies,  women are actually smarter than men! We also look better naked…

OK, that last part is not really part of the argument… I digress. Now, this is not a “I hate men” post, because I sure love you guys. I am just trying to prove a point that women rock and deserved to be treated with respect and equality.

ChicpeaJC is a positive blog, and writing all this is hard for me because it opens up a can of worms and might piss people off. But I am sick of sitting in silence and not standing up for myself. I am sick of playing the victim card and sulking at home.

Life is too fucking short. From now on, you will hear more from me.

Do not call me sweetheart…. and please don’t vote for Trump.